My love for acting started when I was eight years old. I was in the Stargazer’s production of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I was only an Oompa Loompa, but I loved it. I don’t know why or how. I just know that I came back the next year for Guys and Dolls, Jr. And the next year, and the next. This upcoming summer will be ten years since my first play (actually, musical, but I’ve been in both). It’s very surreal to think about. I suppose for a seventeen-year old, I’ve had a rather impressive career so far.
While my roles have only been on local stages, I still have done stuff that lots of actors never do. I’ve originated a role. This past summer, the Delphi Opera House debuted a play by a Delphi graduate, and I played Layla. Since this was the first performance ever, when the play is published, my name will be in the published script as the original actress. (How exciting!) But it’s more than just acting on the stage. As I’ve grown up, I’ve become more confident. I definitely have my background in theatre to thank for that. I’ve made friends that I never thought I would have made, and I’ve played some rather outrageous parts (an earthworm, a pregnant teen, a Cockney maid who’s a little clueless). It’s been an experience. The one thing that acting has taught me is to be yourself. When you go on stage, you leave it all out there. You hold nothing back. You can’t, otherwise it’s not believable. You have to be your character, and once the play is over, you carry a little bit of that character with you. Sure, for months afterward you make references to the play, you still have your inside jokes, your cast games of tag, but mostly, it’s your character that will stick with you. Being a different person for so long eventually rubs off on you after all. And what’s more, I know that I am confident. I’m sarcastic and witty, sweet and charming, Southern, English, a sheep, a bird girl, and a lost girl. Shakespeare once said, “All the world’s a stage.” I felt that this quote was appropriate, not only because everyone acts (no one is who they say they are), but because everywhere you go, it’s a new set, a new adventure. And you have to fit yourself to your surroundings, but you also have to make your surroundings fit to you. You have to be the ruler of your own fate, the director of your own show. I’ve learned that. I’ve made the world my stage, and I’m not going to let that get away from me. I hope you do too. I was told that in order to make my thoughts happier, I need to surround myself with happy thoughts. I know that sounds a little strange, but I decided to take the advice. One thing that I love are inspirational quotes. I could spend all day on the internet looking them up. But buying those fancy canvases with certain phrases on them are expensive. So, I decided to take matters into my own hand.
There is this plastic box in my hallway closet. Inside the box are hundreds of pens, dry erase markers, erasers, and, most importantly, sharpies. We have a sharpie of every color and shade of the rainbow. I took about thirty of them, grabbed a notebook, booted up my laptop, and got to work. I was immediately lost to the world of words. I found quotes by J.K. Rowling, Walt Disney, Emily Dickinson, Anonymous. I wrote song lyrics from songs that were important to me. I wrote quotes from Looking for Alaska. I wrote quotes about music, books, and an Oscar Wilde quote talking about music and books (and flowers and the moon). Every quote that I saw that made me happy, I wrote in a different colored sharpie on my college-ruled notebook paper and taped to my wall. My wall is now filled with quotes of all kinds. I'm still adding to my wall. I took the advice. I made my thoughts happier. I wrote happy thoughts in happy colors on college-ruled notebook paper. And that has made all the difference. (The Road Less Traveled by Robert Frost will be added to my Happy Wall soon.) I'm not going to sit here and write out a long eulogy about how Gene Wilder defined my childhood, how I'll never be the same again, etc. etc. Because that's not true. Sure, I liked Gene Wilder. I loved Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, but the fact of the matter is, I grew up with the Johnny Depp version. I don't have this deep connection with Gene Wilder like people who are older than me do.
But I can appreciate his craft. Gene Wilder: master actor. Absolutely brilliant. The world truly has lost a wonderful person. And while I may not know very much about Gene Wilder, I can still appreciate the movies I have seen him in. I can still feel his loss. I can express sorrow and sympathy because it's not fair that these people who have defined our lives are taken from us. Sure, he was 83, so obviously he lived a good, long, full life, but that doesn't make it any easier to let him go. I can't sit here and list all of Gene Wilder's accomplishments. I can't even really name any movies aside from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory and Young Frankenstein. But I still think that he deserves a tribute on my page. Call it a fellow-actor-to-fellow-actor thing, but it felt important. Gene Wilder has left a mark on many people, and he deserves to be honored and remembered. "If you want to view paradise, simply look around and view it. Wanna change the world, there's nothing to it." "When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down 'happy'. They told me I didn't I understand the assignment, and I told them that they didn't understand life." ~John Lennon
Through much of my life, I've been told that my view of the world is innocent. Sweet. Naive. I've been told "I would love to see the world through your eyes." Well, I think that's awful. To go through life, only ever seeing the bad, never seeing the good. I couldn't live like that. Why would I want to? Why would you want to? You call me naive, hopeless, that I'll never make it in the real world. I call BS. Why is my view of the world wrong? It's not. Sure, it is hopeful because I've grown up hopeful. I choose to see love instead of hate. I choose to spread kindness instead of cruelty. I choose to eat cake rather than broccoli. I choose to live my life in a happy, healthy way. And it's not like all of these happy and positive thoughts come to me naturally. I've had to work at it. I look outside the window on a rainy day, and instead of thinking "ugh, rain," I think, "soft sounds, warm socks, all day to read." I look on the news and see all of the awful stuff going on, and I know that it's awful. I don't deny it and I don't ignore it. I simply think that it will get better. I hope that it will get better. The world is such an awful place already, why would you want to make it worse? I've been told that magic isn't real. And it's not, at least not the Harry Potter-type magic that everyone thinks I'm talking about. There is magic in this world, and believe me, if there wasn't, you wouldn't want to be living in this world. I've often thought to myself that if there was no such thing as magic, the world would be an awful place. True, it already is, but with the hope of magic, it makes living a lot easier. I'm going to go through life looking on the bright side. I'm an optimist. I'm a hopeful. I'm a romantic. And I'm also a teenager who deals with some serious stuff, both globally and personally. I simply choose to see the rose rather than the thorns. It's not childish. It's believing in a better tomorrow. It's believing in a better world, one that I choose to see. 1. "Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you!" ~Dr. Seuss. (Translation: Be who you are because you're amazing and there is no one else like you. Don't change because someone wants you to.)
2. "Only the weak-minded refuse to be influenced by poetry and literature." ~Cassandra Clare (Translation: Read! Even if it's not assigned, reading does so many wonderful things for you, such as expanding your vocabulary and giving life lessons. Don't not read just because you don't have to.) 3. "Just keep swimming!" ~Dory, Finding Nemo (Translation: High school is hard and freshman year sucks especially. Don't let people get you down!) 4. "Is fat really the worst thing a human can be? Is fat worse than vindictive, jealous, shallow, vain, boring, evil, or cruel? Not to me." ~J.K. Rowling (Translation: Do not worry about your body. There are so many worse things to be. Be kind to everyone, no matter what. P.S. If someone is making fun of you for your body, drop them immediately and go eat cake.) 5. "You're never too old to be young." ~Walt Disney (Translation: Just because you're in high school doesn't mean you have to give up the stuff that you love. If you want to dress up as a princess or a pirate, do it, whether it's Halloween or not.) "Forever is composed of nows" -Emily Dickinson
In life, we are told to live in the moment. Slow down and smell the roses. Etc, etc. My problem? I physically can't. Believe me, I try. And while forever may be composed of nows, I'm always looking for the next. Today was the last day of the play I was in. I should've been enjoying it, saying goodbye to the cast members I'd gotten close to and relishing my time in the spotlight. But all I could think about was school the next day and what I was going to wear. And if not that, then I was thinking about the next book I'm going to read. Or what college I'll attend. Or where I'll live where I'm twenty-two. I can't focus on the moment. I'll go to the movies and while I'm sitting in the theater, I'll start thinking about the next movie I want to see or what I'll tell my friends and family I think about it. It's like I can't live in the moment. Stop and smell the roses? I would love to. But I can't. I'm told I'll miss high school when I'm older, and I suppose I will, but that doesn't stop me from looking forward to when I can get out. I feel like I was born to move. To travel. To do something. I can't live in the moment because I'm thinking of what I'll do someday. And I suppose that until I do it, I'll always be looking for the next. Next day, next week, next month. Next minute, next second, next moment. Next breath. Next, next, next. Seven billion people experienced this day in a different way.
For me, I woke up at 6:30 am to babysit my cousin. I played board games. I made sock puppets. I sewed two t-shirt pillows. I had two glasses of chocolate milk for breakfast, pizza bagels for lunch, and Subway for supper. I wore a t-shirt and shorts with anchors on them. I was in a play. I prayed. I laughed. I had fun today. For other people, the day was different. Someone was born today, someone had a child. Someone got married, someone got divorced. Someone got their license, someone didn't. Someone went to the movies or the bowling alley or a mini golf course. Someone became rich, while someone lost everything. Someone saw their family. Someone swore off of meat while someone else tried meat for the first time. Someone had their first drink. Someone was sick. Someone saw the world for the first time. Someone heard music for the first time. Someone sang and danced. Someone wore a dress. Someone went to Rome, and someone went home. Someone saved someone's life, while someone else took someone's. Someone died today. Someone lost someone today. Someone was brave. Someone was scared. Someone was happy. Someone wasn't. Someone is sleeping, and someone is waking up. Someone lived today. There are several billion different ways to experience the day. How did you spend yours? Today I'd like to sit and read
Forget I have a job I need Ignore the things I have to do And just enjoy a book or two I have always enjoyed Oscar Wilde, (I have several of his quotes lining my bedroom.) and this summer I was able to read his one and only book, The Picture of Dorian Gray. At first, I didn't understand the book. It was taking forever to get to the part where his portrait grew ugly and cruel and old, and Dorian Gray honestly seemed like a good person in the first couple of chapters. Then, he and Lord Henry became friends and things started to go down hill. It wasn't until he rejected Sibyl Vane that I truly started to dislike him. From there, the book got interesting. It was still a little slow-going (Classic reads tend to be) but all-in-all I loved it. It was strange, it was gruesome, and it was set in Victorian London. As I was reading, I couldn't help but wonder what Dorian Gray's character would have been if he had not met Lord Henry. Would he have left Sibyl after she quit the stage due to her lacking mystery? Would he have gone on to do immoral things, such as visiting opium dens? The portrait changed as Dorian Gray's soul changed, while his outward appearance didn't change at all. It allowed him to lead a double life of sorts: he was a gentleman in polite society, but he associated with hostels and opium dens. He cared for nothing but his immediate pleasure and that destroyed his soul. I felt that Wilde was trying to make the reader reflect on their own life and their own choices. The portrait is to Dorian what your soul is to you; just because it's not visible, doesn't mean that it doesn't change who you are. I liked that Oscar Wilde made me think with this book. That's what I like about his quotes, too. Some authors have a knack for writing deep, meaningful words and Oscar Wilde is definitely one of them. While I loved his book, I love his quotes even more. His quotes speak to me, and I love looking at them on Google Images. My personal favorite quote is one that motivates me to be better, be different, be daring. It dares me to try something I'm afraid to do. It tells me to take a chance. And I think everyone needs a quote like that. Everyone needs a little bit of Oscar Wilde with them. We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Okay, so it's currently 10:07 at night, (and maybe that's not that late, but I have been napping a lot lately and that just doesn't happen to me, so something is up and I'm tired) perhaps that is the reason for this post. But I just felt the need to talk about how much I love macaroni and cheese.
For those of you who are lactose intolerant, I'm very sorry. I'm sorry that you don't get to eat macaroni and cheese without repercussions, and I'm sorry for this post talking about how absolutely amazing mac n' cheese is. But I'm gonna talk anyway. Macaroni and cheese is a gift to this planet. I don't know who came up with it. I'm sure I could do some research but it is 10:09 and I don't care enough. Maybe tomorrow. I love all types of macaroni and cheese. My favorite is when it's baked because then it can be considered a meal, and if I could only eat macaroni and cheese for the rest of my days, that would be okay. Honestly, I could die by macaroni and cheese, and I would be perfectly content to go. I could die by eating too much mac n' cheese. I could drown in a bathtub full of it. (I don't know how a bathtub full of mac n' cheese would come to be, but I wouldn't complain.) A ton of macaroni and cheese could fall on me and crush me, but not a ton of boxes; I would prefer it be a ton of baked macaroni and cheese that way I'm warm. Macaroni and cheese is the best thing ever. It goes with SO MANY THINGS!! I could eat it with whatever I wanted because it is literally pasta and dairy! I just really, really, really love macaroni and cheese. I have tried it from so many places, and they all have potential(Although, Cheddar's, your mac n' cheese left something to be desired.) but none have been the best thing I've ever tasted. (Currently, cake is a front runner for my favorite food also.) Macaroni and cheese: how could I live without it? I wish to reinvent myself.
Do you ever finish a book with an amazing character and get this really strange feeling inside of you, a feeling that is telling you to be different. Be bolder. Be quieter. Be more abrasive. Be more you. I get that feeling all of the time. It seems like I can never escape a note-worthy character. Every book I read has a character that leaves a mark on me, a character that inspires me to be different, better, more me. And when I say that I get these feelings all of the time, I mean that I get them all of the time. So, this time, I'm writing it down. To share it with you lovely people who feel the same way. To inspire you to let a character change you. To hold myself accountable, because this time I'm going to do it. I'm going to be better, bolder. I'm going to be me. I'm going to wear red lipstick whenever I want to. I'm going to wear whatever I want, whenever I want. I'm going to buy cute dresses and quirky dresses and dresses that are way too dressy for everyday life. I'm going to write more on this website. I'm going to write more, period. I'm going to listen to different music and push myself on the piano. I'm going to take a chance. This year will be my last year in high school, and I'm going to make it count and leave my mark. By being me. Really, truly me. |
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Musical fanatic Lover of books and all things cake-related Archives
April 2018
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