Number 1: Get an agenda
Why get an agenda? I've never had an agenda in my entire school career that I have thoroughly used. This year, my junior year, I got an agenda. It is brightly colored with cute flowers, has color-coded tabs, and inspirational quotes on random pages. There is a calendar where I can write important dates (such as birthdays, performances, and dates when movies come out,) and a page where I can write books that I want to read for that month. (It is very helpful to keep track of books that I've read, too!) I've written down every homework assignment I've received and I've never felt more organized. Having everything I need at the tip of my fingers is such a relief. So, for your sanity, I strongly recommend that you, too, get an agenda. Number 2: Watch a musical (or multiple musicals. No need to stop at one!) Now, I may be a bit biased considering I am a huge musical nerd. (Literally, I'm obsessed.) But I swear, there is something to this advice. Musicals are musicals, and therefore, they have amazing music. The songs are extremely catchy, can make you feel on top of the world or make you cry a pool of tears. "No One Mourns the Wicked" from Wicked and "One Day More" from Les Miserables are personal favorites, and they really help me focus. For instance, when I'm taking a test, I tend to sing songs in my head. I don't know why; I'm just a musical person. And I find that when I sing a song from a musical, such as "I'm Alive" from Next to Normal, I'm able to focus better on the problems. (This might just be for certain people. Some people are visual learners, some are audio learners, etc. etc.) But there is more to watching a musical than just the amazing songs. Watching musicals are like watching movies, but they're set to music. Who wouldn't love that? I find musicals relaxing and fun; most of the time, they have humor and drama, and a wonderful soundtrack that the characters sing along with. Musicals can educate you, such as Les Miserables, Assassins, or Hairspray. Some musicals are based off of books or movies, and some are the basis for movies. There are so many wonderful things about musicals, and I felt the need to encourage people to watch them. Maybe they might help you relax, maybe not. But I still say you should give it a shot! *End of PSA* So, I was sitting here in my living room, thinking about my day and trying not to cry. It wasn't even a particularly rough day. I just felt stretched so thin and super stressed out about the three tests I've had in two days, and my every day play practice, and the upcoming Solo and Ensemble performance for my clarinet. People have it worse. I know that for a fact. But then I thought about how much I love cake. And then I thought to myself, "You don't need cake. You've had a brownie and a doughnut and two pieces of chocolate toast." And then I got angry.
Angry at myself, for worrying about what I look like. I'm a healthy weight. I'm comfortable enough in my body. But I still feel guilty when I eat cake. There's still a part of me that wants to throw it up, no matter how bad that is. Angry at boys, who aren't judged nearly as much for their bodies. Believe me, I know that boys are judged and bullied and raped and have eating disorders. But they get away with it more than girls do. They can eat as much as they want without fear of being called a pig, or if they're called a pig, it's jokingly and shaken off. Angry at everything that is preventing me from having cake and allowing me to feel good about myself. When I eat too much, I'm judged, When I eat too little, I'm judged. Everything I do, I know that I'm being judged. (It's not just food, but I'll get to that in another blog post.) It just makes me so angry. I can't feel good about myself no matter how hard I try, so why should I care? I should do what I want, and I applaud the people who can. But I can't, and that makes me angry, too. Maybe one day, women of the world can have their cake and eat it too, but until then, I say let them eat cake. And screw anyone who says otherwise. Why is it that when someone famous dies we feel it so strongly? When Alan Rickman died last month, I felt strangely empty inside. I couldn't figure out why. Was it because he played Snape in Harry Potter, a book series that literally changed my life and defined my childhood? That didn't make sense because, as amazing as Rickman was in the part, I'd never particularly liked Snape.
Then, I was talking to a friend about it. I tried to describe the sensation to her, and she told me that she felt the same way about David Bowie, which was also weird because she wasn't super familiar with him. It's not like he changed her life. It's not like Alan Rickman changed mine. So why were we feeling their deaths so deeply, so personally? I spent a lot of time thinking about it. Eventually, I came to a conclusion. It's more than just the basic sadness over the loss of a life. Knowing a person through something as shallow as a movie or a song creates a sort of connection. Think about someone from your favorite movie; not the main character, but someone whose face you would recognize. Now, imagine that you heard about their death over the radio or through social media. You would feel it. I don't think you would cry, but you would feel different. A deep sort of sadness that is hard to get rid of. I wish I knew why, and maybe nobody else feels the same way that I do, but that's my theory. It's hard to believe that someone so full of life could just die. And that is incredibly sad. |
BellaBSU student
Musical fanatic Lover of books and all things cake-related Archives
April 2018
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