"You," he said, "are a terribly real thing in a terribly false world, and that, I believe, is why you are in so much pain." ~Emilie Autumn, The Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls
As a teenager, I think I am entitled to my mood swings. I'm allowed to hate the world and my parents and every person who goes to my school because every teenager goes through that, and why do I get denied the right to be an angsty, awful human being? However, I think there is a point where the hatred and the sadness and the disgust and the general awfulness of everything goes from the "teenage phase" to the "Is something wrong with me?" phase. Friends, let me tell you, I've been in this phase for a while. Sometimes, life just sucks. And there is truly nothing that you can do about it. You can't smile and pretend that everything is okay. You can't have a chocolate-dipped ice cream cone and suddenly the world is brighter and bigger. It just doesn't work that way. So don't ever tell anyone to just "be happy." Because it doesn't work like that. And let me tell you something: this sadness? it happens all. The. Time. You can be okay one moment and then be choking down tears the next. You can have an okay day one day and then be completely drained the next. The world can be full of color and then just be black and white. But it can also be black and white one day and full of color the next. You can be completely drained one day and then have two or three or even four good days. You can feel an overwhelming amount of sadness, and then suddenly everything will be alright because someone is there for you and they're there to listen to you and it doesn't make anything better, but it makes a huge difference to know that someone cares enough to ask and listen and just be there. It took me a long time to realize this. It also took me a long time to realize that this sadness thing? It's not my fault. It's everything else. It's the stress and the times that I forget to practice my piano and how people never seem to value my opinion and it's everything on top of everything on top of everything. It's because every time I leave my house, I'm me. Or as me as I can be. I don't put up a show. But everything else does. As my friend Jessica said, nothing is real. And I am a terribly real thing in a terribly false world. And so are you, and that's okay. Because eventually this terribly false world will have to show it's true colors, and I truly believe that they are red and orange and yellow and green and blue and purple. Leave a Reply. |
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Musical fanatic Lover of books and all things cake-related Archives
April 2018
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